Stop Talking! Really, Just Stop!

Some years ago, I took a daylong workshop in storytelling from a renowned theater director who worked in London and New York. At the end of the day, he closed by saying, “If you worked only with the pause for a year, you’d begin to understand its power.”

While I didn’t focus only on the pause for a year, I never forgot his advice. What I say in my workshops is that a pause is the most undervalued and underused tool in the speaker’s tool belt. It’s also the simplest of all the nonverbal communication skills. All you have to do is stop talking.

The pause has great power. It highlights what was just said or what is about to be said. It provides space for listeners to think about what’s been said. We’re all familiar with the term the “dramatic pause,” dramatic in that it is “striking in effect,” it “stirs the imagination and emotions” (Merriam-Webster dictionary). It can be startling, arresting, as in the phrase “and a hush fell over the crowd.” It can draw us more deeply into the emotional cauldron of the talk or story. It focuses attention; we can be daydreaming during a sermon, but when the speaker pauses, it brings us back. As listeners, we appreciate a well-timed pause on many levels.

Why, then, don’t speakers use the pause more often than they do? For one thing, nervous speakers don’t feel they have the luxury of a pause. They are uncomfortable and they want to get their talk done with as quickly as possible. A pause only prolongs the agony. Many speakers, nervous or not, don’t trust the pause, “The congregation will think my mind has gone blank, that I’ve forgotten what to say next.” It’s not true, unless your pause is really long and you look panicked. Finally, it’s common for speakers to say, “I pause, I pause a lot.” They do, but only for a second or less at a time. That’s not long enough to register with the listener. A pause needs to be 3-5 seconds long to be effective.

Try this: choose something to read aloud. Decide on places to pause. Have a friend listen and time your pauses. You’ll probably be surprised at how many of them are only one second long or less. The worst feedback is for your friend to say, “Oh, did you pause?” There’s a difference between the speaker’s perception of time and the listener’s. I’ve learned not to trust my internal clock when I’m speaking. If there’s no clock on the wall, I’ll put a watch on the lectern (don’t look at a watch on your wrist, it can be interpreted as eagerness to finish).

Where to pause? Pause after you say your core message, at the end of a quote or poem, at the end of a summary statement, any place where you want the audience to think about or feel what you just said.

Mark places to pause on your script, if you use one. If not, determine where you want to pause and memorize those places. Hold the pauses for longer than feels comfortable. With practice, they’ll come easily. Rehearse for pauses. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does make you more comfortable.

One other thing: freeze during your pauses. Don’t check your notes or the clock. By freezing, your audience will know you’re pausing for a purpose. Freeze while looking out at them.

Finally, listen for pauses when you are an audience member. Notice their length, their effectiveness, their… capacity for drama.

Go now… become a student of… the pause.